Soundgarden

"The Devil's comin' to breakfast, and there's bacon in your pants."

Not sure where I heard that, but it describes my situation. Now that I am home full-time and the twinny twin twins are not yet potty-trained, that chore falls to me. There will be no way to hide failure and success is to be expected, not lauded. I think a plausible goal is by their 3rd birthday; that's four months off.

Here's the status update, by twin:

Gavin is much closer than Darcy. We thought he was well on his skinny-ass way a few months ago, peeing and pooping in the portable potties, but it was a false start. We decided to get after it again, with both of them, just the other day. Carrie's idea was to bribe them with M&Ms--you go 1 or 2, you get a handful.

The boy is happy to sit and dribble the minimum, and I can't say "Not enough" or the whole idea will break down. So, he's gotten five or six batches of candy-coated chocolate, but has not yet told us that he has to go. I say "Peepee, poopie, potty?" at least 1003 times a day, or just grab and place them.

Darcy watches all this, and even thinks she should get M&Ms when the others do (we let Maggie have them as an example--she's happy to demonstrate on one of the portajohns that she used back in the day). Darcy Parcy Puddin and Pie simply is not interested.

I'll ask her, and place her, but she can't even manage a drop just for the goodies. Today, I put her on the Diego potty and instead of giving her a book, I put her within reach of the blackboard. She cleaned the board and drew on it, but didn't emit waste. I may have a pic of this later--very excited to be able to send Carrie all my phone-camera pics because she just got a Blackberry, making e-mailing the pics to our PC much easier. Some of the best pics of the kids from the past couple years are on my phone.

But I digress.

Anyway, I can argue about how much housework I (don't) get done because I would rather play with the kids, or cruise Facebook or a sports blog, or go to the gym, but I can find no way to slough off responsibility for potty-training. Connor just one day did it, after months of hand-wringing from myself and Carrie, and I'm sure that's what will happen here.

Carrie says Maggie was very good about it, and I just don't remember, though I'm sure she was. Plus, Carrie was the one home when Maggie was at this stage, so whether Maggie was special or Carrie has the touch and attentiveness, or both, I have the Diaper Dandies, and only one is playing ball(s).

So, the M&M thing is probably going to be shelved, with no foreseeable replacement incentive. Darcy doesn't care right now about being "a big girl" or wearing panties. Gavin is just excited to see his schlong and please his dad, so he doesn't need the candy. I can't be mad at them....I wouldn't take a dump for M&Ms, either, to be honest with you.

If I could get them interested in bourbon, though, we could really bond...