John Cougar Mellencamp

Of all the things little ones do--little ones meaning between 2 and 5--let's you and I consider the ones we could imagine ourselves doing as adults, at least on a semi-regular basis.

I got this idea while watching Maggie and the twins get around; they run everywhere, on the balls of their feet, whether they've just been told to go to the kitchen to get candy or to go tell Mommy "Good morning," or to put a shirt in the hamper.

Why don't we, their parents, run everywhere? It's not even a full sprint, more like a skip/jog. Is it because our bodies are too big and our work and living spaces too small? We would crash into each other at the office, spilling the Anderson report or bruising the boss?

At home, well, I'm unemployed, so instead of an important project with many loose pieces of paper, I might run into Carrie and drop a bunch of dishes with sauce on them. I know the kids would love it. I believe this is one I can try, insulated by the lack of a boss or tight cubicle-centric layouts. I will skip/jog around the house, doing the daily chores, and will let you know how it goes.

Back to the premise: Let's use the process of elimination. I'll bring up a handful of preschooler pecadillos, then let's imagine us doing them as modus operandi.

1. Picking nose un-self-consciously when not alone.
I won't do it, but we've all seen grown-ups dig away and have been amazed at their public display. Let's say No.
2. Making noises and gesturing instead of using words when they want something.
I do it, but only with my wife. I'm sure most of us do (but not with my wife). So, Yes.
3. Kicking, hitting, biting others.
Again, only with my wife, and probably with others in self-defense. No.
4. Running around naked, regardless of company. Not walking. Running.
I never streaked, and I guess at 43, never will. I have no regrets. Though the body is a beautiful thang, what a wonder is man, and all that, it's a social restraint that is probably never going to be loosened. No.
5. Contorting body while watching TV/movies.
You laughed at this one, didn't you? Upside down; ass in the air; shoulders on the couch while bridging with feet on the floor; writhing into all the above in one 15-minute cartoon. I go from sitting up to laying down or vice versa. I used to do push-ups and sit-ups during commercials, but that was 30 years ago. No.
6. Taking baths together.
Yes.

Please add your own in the comments because this is fun. Happy Autumn.