Judas Priest

Happy 50th Birthday, Barbie!

Connor and I and the twins took Maggie to the library this morning to celebrate Barbie's half-century of perpetual readiness for anything. There were 29 other girls signed up so Bad Daddy couldn't get Darcy in at the last minute--thank Schenker she's 2 and easily distracted.

I didn't see what went on in the party room, for some reason shades were drawn on my side of the library, and watching a pair of 2-year-olds and a 9-year-old made it unlikely that I would go around to where the view was clear. Of course, I forgot to bring a camera, so there was no photo op with cardboard Barbie princess at the end.

We left with as many as we came with, narrowly averting an extra half-hour as the twins raced into the labyrinth as I was checking out some research documents--Star Wars comic book, two Goosebumps videos, Sky High (pretty good if I may interject in my own blog) and the second Narnia flick. Me and Connor caught up before they went opposite ways, but not before making a spectacle of ourselves for the millionth time.

Later, Connor said something like, "It's weird how she's 50 but is still slim and beautiful." His dad was there to take him to football, so we had a laugh about Barbie's probable use of surgery and chemicals to maintain her plastic playfulness. Still, what if the makers of Barbie had made Barbie in stages......

--At 18, Barbie heads to college in fabulous outfits, including sweatpants for 8 a.m. classes, oversized t-shirts given her by Ken sometime around 4 a.m.. Comes with a gift certificate to buy new, larger-sized pants at the end of the first semester.

--At 24, Barbie sets out to show the boys in the boardroom that she's blond and thin, and has many changes of clothes for every occasion, including texting and receiving texts. LO Elle!

--At 27, Barbie leaves behind the rat race to concentrate on her attempts to have Barbie Babies with, who else, GI Joe! All that ticking was distracting her from breaking the glass ceiling, so it's time to break out of the work world and join a genetic-customization and fertility support group. So difficult to reproduce with no bits and pieces. Jeans and ponytails and a smile we see right through!

--Now 34, with two nappy-headed blond boys with Kung-Fu Grip and camoflauge wardrobes for every day of the week, Barbie is frightened. She sports pastel body-armor and has started a Family Scrap club in her women's group. Cute night-vision goggles and concealed meat tenderizer mark her as a suburban MIBNMW--Mother I'd Better Not Mess With.

--At 41, Barbie knows peace, and has the scars to show it. Comes with tan vials, dark sunglasses, very-raised eyebrows, wrinkle-free skin (as always) and pink corkscrew.

--Now 50, and still vital, with a nod to her "I've still got it" cameo on Toy Story 2, Barbie looks forward to 50 more years of trials and tribulations, joy and happiness, lace and velcro. The latest generation of girlie-girls pays homage, and Barbie feels young again.



I've got to go, before I erase all that and start over with something that is a way better idea. Carrie awaits downstairs, I believe in a mood similar to liking me a lot. See you Saturday