George Thorogood

Unemployment is not counter-intuitively desirable, like obesity or burping--it's not a sign of wealth or appreciated in some cultures. It's just never been all that cool, unless you are the offspring of wealthy parents. So, I'm trying to find full-time work.

An executive of the company that laid me off told me I'd have to work as hard at finding a job as I did when I had a job. He knew from experience...and never checking to see how hard I worked when I had a job. Awww, that's just some fun I threw in there to keep investigative prospective employers sharp for red flags. Did you catch it?

Anytime this out-of-work subject comes up, I think about the scene from Dudley Moore's "Arthur" (my middle name, BTW). Not sure this is verbatim, but when the interviewer tells our slurring hero that the company is looking for someone who is punctual, hard-working, and a team player, Arthur enthusiastically replies, "Well, hire me and I'll help you find him."

I'm looking for that job, too. I've noticed that there are a lot of jobs available for things I have no clue about--software engineers, associate professors, HVAC technicians. I just know if someone took a chance on me, I could be their CFO or CIO or ER surgeon, with a little paid training, ya know? But, this job market is unfriendly to inexperienced folks with lots of self-confidence, so what are you gonna do?

At least I'll never tell an interviewer, "I like people." Why is that such a sought-after trait? What about, "I don't harm people I don't like"? Or, even, "I let people talk to me, if it's about the job"?

We're all still getting used to the role reversal around here; I stay home and Carrie, who had not had a full-time job at a workplace since 2006, is now oot and aboot. The twins bawled for many minutes when she left in the morning the first couple of weeks, and now occasionally ask, "Where's that lady who sleeps here?"

I take all the credit for their adaptation, but I don't recommend to everyone in a similar situation my tough-love regimen of duct-tape, Sportscenter and ice cream for breakfast. Our kids are just special, I guess, and please don't assume it's easy being respected and adored.

My spirits are still high, but it's not even two months since the change--still getting severance, landed a freelance gig, got the secret e-mail address for upcoming football gambling, etc. I sent an idea to T-Shirt Hell a couple weeks ago and can't believe I haven't won 10 free shirts and 200 bucks yet. "I Just Got Laid" it would say in big letters. "Off" would be underneath, in tiny letters.

A portion of the sales proceeds would go to my charity, The Hire Me and I'll Help You Find Him Foundation. In lieu of sales, please send letters of recommendation to the comments section below.